You Say, I Say

You say, I goofed on you.
I say, I am really working on it.

You say, based on your understanding on me, if I start it, I would continue it even if I don’t like.
I say, even I have told you I am looking for another one, you still do not believe in me.

You say, although I don’t like it, I still stayed there for long.
I say, that place, I really don’t like, and yet I could stay there for long because you were there, a motivation which kept me going.

You say, you are tired of gripping on to false hope.
I say, I am sick of myself.

Perceptions, accusations, I really don’t like.
Maybe it is because I am not the expressive type of person.
Maybe it is because I didn’t work hard enough.

I will work harder, and maybe more harsh to myself.
Until everything is fine, everyone is fine.
Peace.

Fighting Hard

People may wonder why I left a company with thousands of employees and go to work in an organization which the number of employees can be counted using only 10 fingers.
Big organization, good pay, better future… That is what most people would say.
I don’t deny that but what important to me is personal growth. I work for passion more than for money.
I always want to be a Clinical Psychologist. In order to achieve that, I have to make changes in my life.
I enjoyed doing my previous job but that couldn’t make me a Clinical Psychologist.

“What would you miss the most?”
That was the question asked by someone when I left the big organization. The most interesting question.
My answer was, the students.
I enjoyed working and mingle around with the students.
Whenever they have problems, I like to solve the problems together with them.
I want to do more for the students. But with my position, I have been tied up with restrictions. I felt sad when I couldn’t do much for them.
Some people said I have been doing too much. How much is too much? I said I didn’t do enough.

Some people said I am so bold to quit a job without another job in hand.
It is not easy to make changes in life especially when a person is getting used of something.
My previous job, I have been working for it for more than a year. Everything is stable.
Am I going to continue the job and forget about what I want to achieve in life?
If I make a change now, everything might become unstable and I might be starting everything at zero again.
Is it worth?

Courage is needed to take a step forward, to make changes in life.
I must have the courage to take a step forward or else I would be standing at the same spot.
I took a huge step, to push myself hard enough to move forward.
I am lacking behind and I have to chase back the time which I have missed.
I am starting all over again, from here.